Ack! Can you picture walking away from a conversation with a new group of people or familiar folks and feeling insecure about what you shared? Maybe you think you said too much, shared more than you wished you had and then wondered what they think about you now. Or maybe you didn't say much and regret that.
It's all normal. What is going on in this rumination is actually a desire to be liked. Humans want to belong to a tribe and inherient in a tribe is approval, acceptance and validation about who you are and what you think. We want to be wanted. We want to be appreciated, loved, adored, liked, respected, etc. Normal.
But when we dive into the thoughts that what we aren't enough, not smart enough, not likableor not this-or-that, then we are dumping on ourselves. This self critical thinking is a way to give away our wholeness, power, balance and contentedness. We are not valid because someone else gives us their validation! But it's common to get into this stuck feeling.
Here are some suggestions to create more confidence:
BE BOLD
Go out on a limb and say the truth about how you feel or a situation. This builds a pattern of mini risk taking that builds on itself and squashes our fears that what we are is somehow not enough.
OWN IT
Notice that you are in a jetty of self doubt. Turn the insecure self talk off and deem yourself to be great. Cause you are!
TAP INTO YOUR YES
Know your truth. Get clear about what you really totally care about and lean into that. When you are lucid about how it feels to be connected and living your truth then you build your confidence. Know your NO's too!
CHECK IN
If you have a hunch you may be creating a negative story, talk to someone you trust and respect about your worries. Ask them what they think as a way to level set and get cleared up. Do this readily, don't let time linger, please!
Bottom line, who cares what people think about you!?! Turn your attention to how you want to feel and what thoughts 'get' you there. Most likely self doubt or insecure thoughts are dead ends.
If you want support in this effort to feel more self assured, please schedule a free couching consultation.
It hit me like a thud when someone said it to me. I was blindsided by it and it radically changed my perspective...for the better. I'm referring to the realization that the thoughts I had in my head were deeply affecting my life.